I used to care
Not long ago, I cared.
I still do, but the more I live, the less meaning it has to fight for something, for a better world. That is not because I don’t believe in anything I used to anymore, but because I’m powerless.
I used to think I should fight for everything and everyone. Now, with each day that comes by, my life seems to get more and more complicated to care about something else. The world is too heavy for me to carry alone.
Before, I wished to do something about all the shit that happens in the world. In the world, or at least in my country, and its never ending descent into dystopia. To help the poor, to fight for a better world for everyone, to help them have at least a bit of hope, and through that hope. I would influence them to fight.
But how can I fight for something that doesn’t seem to want to be fought for?
How can I fight something so powerful as human contempt? We all seem to be okay with everything that is happening. Drowning ourselves in enough distractions to even forget how life looked like before or how we thought life should be for everyone. I too gave up on that battle.
How can I fight when there’s no strength left in my body? I just want to live my life, and I know I have to fight for that, for the things I want, for my right to exist and to love, but how am I to do this?
The world doesn’t want me to fight.
Maybe existing is enough of a way to fight. Maybe. But even that seems... too hard. All the hate and people telling me I shouldn’t, through their actions and indirect words that can and will make anyone agree with that.
I didn’t stop caring; I stopped fighting. Should I fight? Why does it hurt like that to see others suffering? Why do I have to feel so much? Can’t I be like the other people on the internet, who can seamlessly just live their lives not caring? Why do I have to be so human?
